“That was a long night.” I said as we crept through the backdoor, quietly so as not to wake my parents.
“…and we’re finally home.” Said Bunny, with far too much enthusiasm for this time of the morning. Pulling off her t-shirt, covered as it was with dried mud and blood, flakes of the stuff already fell to the kitchen floor.
“home again, home again, jiggety jig”, she sang-sighed as she bent over to pull off her shorts. Bunny loved that film, she identified with robots more than the humans in a way that made me uneasy.
As the sun came up over the recently mowed back garden, we climbed the stairs up to my bedroom and I was filled with that early-morning wide-awake-yet-exhausted feeling I’d only previously attributed to come-downs. But this was no come-down, this was real. Bunny clutched the small parcel closely to her chest, as she kicked off her converse.
I was way too tired to be horny.
It had been a long night.
I put on the Flying Saucer Attack album on the record player as we climbed into bed together, and a the noise-drone swept over us like a codeine dream, soon the three of us were fast asleep, curled up in each other like a Russian Doll. Dreaming slow moving nightmares of the previous night.
“Lets not go down there tonight” said Bunny.
The night before we were listening to Nirvana’s new record on the stereo in my room. Everyone had said it was supposed to be ‘unlistenable’ but I didn’t think so. Not that I thought it was great, it just kinda sounded like a bunch of demos to me. My friend Mark told me he was certain they had recorded the sound of a room full of type-writers clacking away under the whole album. Mark was the laziest person I knew but he was also the smartest person I knew. He was the type of person who, if he said that he could hear a room full of type-writers clacking underneath a record it probably meant something else, like a metaphor.
“Lets not go down there tonight.”
I’d been going to the reservoir since I was a little kid as it was close to my house and me and all my friends from nearby would go and play there. When you’re little you go with your friends to build forts and try to dam the river but then you reach that age when someone shows up one day with a torn out page of their brother’s porno mag and things get weird. I could see everyone changing that summer, like some of them were left behind and some of them shot forward and started smoking and talking about girls and stuff. The one’s that were left behind seemed kinda sad, like they hadn’t evolved but kinda knew it so they were really sad about it, while the other one’s got way bigger really fast but it was also as if they got stupider; like all the things they thought made them cool and grown up kinda made them dumber as well.
I guess I felt like neither of them but maybe we all felt like that.
“Lets not go down there tonight, Alex”
Bunny was probably right. I’d started taking her there not long after we met. She went to the nearby secondary school and her gang of friends were far more exciting to me than my own. I had met them all after whiteying out from smoking with some of the harder kids one day when school was ending. I felt like I had out-grown my friends and felt like this was my last chance to find a group before the summer and loneliness loomed. I guess I was trying on different hats and somehow I found myself in a little clearing I had been using since I was a kid with a group of ravers from my school one June evening. They called each other cunt like it meant nothing and I wondered what I was doing there with a bunch of people who didn’t even seem to like each other. I had never smoked before and after a few tokes, my whole world was spinning and I felt worse than I had ever done before. I puked up in the bushes and thought I was gonna shit myself. The ravers laughed at me, calling me a lightweight and I passed out in a bush near my puke. Soon enough they left and later on I woke up and there were another group sitting around near me. As I foggily come awake I was faintly aware of a difference in the tone of their conversation – like they were friends who were nice to each other and enjoyed each others company.
The first person that turned round to look at me was wearing a pair of pink bunny ears.
She was small and thin and pale and looked about ten. She had large light blue eyes and a pink streak dyed into her blond hair tied back in a ponytail.
She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
Soon after that we started hanging out down by the reservoir all the time. The group of kids were made up of all the greebo’s and metallers and weirdo’s from their school that didn’t fit in anywhere else. They didn’t quite work together but somehow they did, like some 1980s sitcom or a cartoon. The classic group of misfits. The dirty half-dozen. You had the angry guy who listened to nothing but Metallica; the fat girl, a geeky guy, a couple who seemed slightly retarded and were kind of a double act; and the strange girl and the strange girl’s gothy friend. Some had nicknames and some didn’t and it was almost as if they had been waiting for me to come along. Like some distorted fairy tale. Joining them was the easiest, most natural thing I’d ever done and pretty soon me and Bunny were kind of leading the group together. Like the King and Queen of the Greebo’s.
“Let’s not go down there tonight.”
We used to go down there some nights when we knew the others wouldn’t be there and sit by the water. About a year before I’d been going down to the old shed down there and wanking off to the stash of porno mags my friends and I had been collecting, wrapping them up in plastic bags and stuffing them under a space we’d dug underneath the back of the old shed. Now, me and Bunny would sit there with each other. She’d let me feel her tits but not much else. Once I tried to finger her but she started crying and I had to stop.
“Let’s not go down there tonight, Alex.”
Nothing could stop me when I felt like this. Sometimes I felt really happy and sometimes I felt really sad. My Mum said that I was depressed and tried to get me to see a doctor but I had read somewhere that they gave you pills that made you feel like a zombie and you can’t enjoy life anymore. I didn’t want that ‘cos when I felt good I felt really good. Now we were listening to Ministry really loud. My parents were out and I wanted to raid their booze cabinet and go out to the reservoir.
I felt like I could fuck the world….